Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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