oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize