i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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