i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
