I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
