I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
