just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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