my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
