He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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