Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
