If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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