OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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