I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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