porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
