I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
