I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
