the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
