she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
