I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i now understand why vodka
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
