Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
