Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
