did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so that wasnt chicken after all
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize