I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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