I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
