im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Randomize
