U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
