We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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