i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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