I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize