Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
