I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
no you cant smoke seaweed
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
