who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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