I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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