Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize