i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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