i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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