you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
