Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize