WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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