You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
