....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
