The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
