Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
