i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
