It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
