Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
