Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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