Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
