you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
