He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm like, not good at living.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
