covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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