he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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