I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
