I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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