Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
