There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
