I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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