she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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