theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
