I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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