My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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