just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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