it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
