whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
