just tell him i said nine months
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And then my night got REAL pukey
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize