so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
