I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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